Coping with Paleo Anger

RAWR

Hello everyone, this is Jeremy AKA “J. Eck”. For some reason they asked me to write a blog today. I know you are scratching your head wondering why they’d ask me (don’t feel bad, I’m doing the same). Guess they ran outta cool recipes to share or they’ve all decided to off themselves because they can no longer have sugar. Either way, here we go. 

Welcome to day 5 of the Paleo challenge.  At this point, most of you are probably going through “awesome” food withdrawal and contemplating killing your significant other and all those around you; Don’t feel bad, I felt the same when I first started paleo; truth be told, many-a-nights Heather woke up to me standing above her with a pillow in my hand and crazy look in my eye….Love you baby.  Here is the place I’m supposed to tell you it gets easier and blah blah blah. Well guess what?? J. Eck don’t sugar coat anything.  Depending on your previous diet, these next 9 days may be hell. All that being said, let me give you some pointers on handling the rage and anger that is built up inside you from the sugar withdrawal.

1.  Know that coworker who is eating pizza right now and making it look so damn tasty? Ya, walk over to him or her and slap the pizza outta their hand and punch them in the face. WOW, that felt great didn’t it???

2.  Know that female coworker who comes in with her Viente Carmel Frappachino and a double chocolate chip muffin for breakfast? Please walk up to her, take that Frappachino, and dump it over her head while screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs. Remember that double chocolate chip muffin? Grab that muffin, take a few bites of it, and spit it out…you’re not technically ingesting it so you’re still on the paleo band wagon (J. Eck will not hold anything against you).

3.  Know those vending machines at work with all that wonderful junk food and sugary beverage to wash said wonderful junk food down? Walk out to the car and lift the mat in your trunk, see the spare tire, floor jack, and tire iron? Grab that tire iron and walk back to those dispensers of devil food (I prefer doing this when tons of people are in the break room, no one is gonna mess with you after you pull this one,  #streetcred and skating on easy street from here on out) and begin beating the living crap out of it with that tire iron (while yelling obscenities of course)……Don’t stop now, let that thing know that you mean business (don’t worry about your coworkers, who is gonna stop the crazy person wielding a tire iron and destrominating the vending machines?). Now walk back to your desk and sit down like nothing happened. Feel better yet?

Those are 3 ideas devised, approved, and condoned by J. Eck.  Feel free to use your imagination and think of a few of your own (please share as I like seeing what makes people tick).  Hopefully, this brought some humor to your situation. If you do decide to follow through with one of my ideas, please DO NOT call me as I do not have the money to bail your crazy A$$ out; I will deny ever knowing you and erase this blog so that there is no evidence to bring me down with you. Good luck and stay strong folks and I promise this will all pay off.